Shocking news has rocked religion and humanity over recent days as original creations of God, and first humans on earth, Adam and Eve, have admitted they were “well high on acid” when stealing a bunch of fruit and the snake who they placed the entire blame on wasn’t even real.
“I’m so sorry it went this far,” announced an extremely apologetic Eve. “We got in too deep and the lie spiralled out of control. Adam encouraged me to take loads of acid and I was too weak to say no. At the time, he was not only the main man in my life, but the only man on the planet and I didn’t want to ruin my one chance of happiness. I took the drugs and did all the freaky shit he suggested, just to keep him happy.”
“I could have sworn there was a snake chatting shit to me though,” continued Eve. “It was telling me to nick a load of apples and oranges from a forbidden tree because it would be a proper laugh. Over the years I guess I’ve admitted that a talking snake simply isn’t realistic and have accepted it was all in my imagination. God was well pissed off at us.”
Wundergrond spoke to Adam about Eve’s claims “Those drugs were mental,” he confirmed. “We had acid, opium, pills and weed, they don’t make them like that anymore, I’m telling you. We were in all sorts of bother. God created us on the sixth day and I reckon by about half ten we’d already started fucking shit up. I do feel bad about blaming that snake, he done fuck all except slither about the place looking at Eve’s big old boobies.”
“We told everyone he could speak and was evil, to the point he got hounded out of his local village by loads of badgers and frogs who believed us. If I see him about I’ll apologise and buy him a beer.”