An early morning alcohol free rave, which was held yesterday in the Shoreditch area of London, England, has been declared shit by everyone who attended.
The rave, which was called B-Rave Heart, was forced to shut it’s doors nearly two hours early as all of the patrons left just minutes after it had started.
Organiser Finbar Potts spoke to Wunderground, “We were just trying to give people a fun alternative to early morning workouts in the gym. A place where people could come and dance their way fit with similar like minded people but all we got at the rave was a bunch of messy party heads who were looking for somewhere to keep their party going. It was a complete disaster.”
Twenty four year old Ryan Scott attended the party, “It said alcohol free rave on the flyer but I just thought that was because they didn’t have a license, not because it was some poxy keep fit gimmick, I would have been better off turning up to an aerobics class in a local gym, at least that way there may have been a few fit birds to look at instead of a load of crusty ravers who probably should have gone home two days ago.”
“I made sure I had plenty of ket with me, to survive without alcohol, but even that didn’t make this place any better,” continued Scott. “The tunes were pants, the room was tiny and the atmosphere in there was about as much fun as a cattle train on route to Auschwitz, I stayed for about a half an hour and the only reason it was that long was because I done a massive bump as soon as I arrived and I wasn’t physically able to leave any sooner.”
“It was obviously going to be shit, having a rave without alcohol is like having ice cream without jelly or anal without lube, it just doesn’t work.”
Reports confirm that the rave, scheduled to last three hours, was completely empty within an hour of opening, although, early houses in the Shoreditch area reported a “bumper Monday”.
