Music festivals worldwide made a joint announcement today that all of their promotional videos, which would formerly highlight the entire palette of the festival experience, will now be “just random shots of hot women”.
“Music festival promo vids typically would show performers, revelers, art installations and the beautiful surroundings plus as many hot women as possible,” explained a spokesperson for Electric Daisy Carnival who have pioneered the shift to just showing series upon series of hot women. “There would be bands rocking a crowd, fairy lights creating a woodland garden and people just enjoying the festival experience but none of these things have the sheer marketing power of a pair of tits, hot pant clad legs or a comely smile.”
“With the credos ‘sex sells’ in mind we’ve decided to completely remove any other aspect of the festival experience from the promo vids and just focus on the hot girls,” continued the source. “They’ll be in pink wellies, wearing kandi jewelry, laughing coquettishly into camera while sucking on lollipops, be drawn almost exclusively from the 18 to 18 age bracket and be as infantilised sexually as possible.”
The source claims that the newly designed ‘hot chicks only’ videos tested “extremely positively” with males aged between 18 and 35 most of whom the video was shown to agreed that they’d “totally smash that” and “attempted to paw the screen in some instances”.
“Which we think is very encouraging,” added the insider. “There wasn’t any mention of a line-up or ticket price but 100% agreed that they’d like to attend and or fuck that festival so based on those results every festival everywhere’s promo material will focus exclusively on the fuckability of the women shown on screen.”
