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March 24, 2015
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American Raver Who Lifted Hands For The Drop Has Them Chopped Off By Passing Drone

A raver in the United States has had his hands horrifically severed after lifting them for the drop only to have them clash with a passing drone.

Damon Byron, a 19-year-old self described kandi kid from Orlando was “raging” at a pool party at Miami’s exclusive bottle service club, Opulence, when the incident was said to have occurred.

The club, which specialises in providing expensive bottle service to rich twerps while chart dance music provides the background to mass fingerings, have become famous by offering a gimmick whereby a functional robotic drone brings bottles of Cristal directly to customer’s tables.

Witnesses claim that Damon lifted his hands into the air in anticipation of a “sick drop” – the 10,000th of the night, when he failed to notice the passing drone and had his hands instantly sawn off at the wrist by the whirring propellors.

“It was disgusting,” claimed one witness. “One second he was tripping on a molly, enjoying the sickness of the drops and PLURing – the next he was screaming while trying to stem the geyser of blood from his wrists.”

“It was macabre,” continued the witness. “I think the worse moment, besides when his hands were hacked off by a physical metaphor for EDM’s consumerist opulence, was the look in his eyes as he watched his kandi bracelets clatter to the floor, only to be stood on by a passing waiter.”

“That was the day the music died,” she added.

The drone itself, which had been delivering two bottles of Cristal champagne to the waiting table of gap year student Tobi Jones-Billingsworth from the Home Counties, immediately lost control and dropped the two bottles of expensive champagne.

“They cost a K,” whined Tobi. “I better get my money back, even though it like totally means nothing to me either way, it’s the principle.”

Damon, understandably bereft at the loss of his hands and kandi, made a brief statement claiming that he was going to sue the club for the loss of his hands and claiming that drops should have sickness warning on them to prevent further incidences.

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