American Weed Dealers Now Recognised As Doctors
New legislation drafted in America this afternoon means that weed dealers, in any of the twenty three states where medicinal marijuana is legal, will now be officially recognised as doctors.
Shaun “Lil’ AK” Parker, a twenty one year old weed dealer From Compton, south-central Los Angeles, believes it is about time he, and fellow weed dealer, were recognised for their work in the community.
“You’re damn right we’re doctors,” claimed Lil’ AK, who had swapped the traditional white doctor’s jacket for an all blue look. “First of all I’d like to just say a big ‘fuck you’ to all my teachers who told me my life would never amount to anything if I left school at thirteen. Look at me now muther fuckers, hope you’re happy with your nine to five.”
“I know some people probably think we don’t deserve to be called doctors but they better not come around here saying that shit or they’ll soon find out that this doctor’s just as good at putting people into hospital as he is at getting people out,” he said menacingly. “I’ve been out here slinging dime bags since I was thirteen years old, doing all types of good shit for sick people so it’s about time I got fitting title.”
“From now on my homies can call me ‘Dr. AK’, I just don’t think having the word ‘Lil’ in my official title gives off the kind of professional demeanor that I’m going for now that I’m a doctor,” continued Mr. Parker, the only doctor in LA offering his patients ‘drive by shots’. “I got all your weed needs covered. No bag too big, no bag too small, any time of the day or night, Dr. AK’s got your back.”
“I’m not only a weed doctor,” revealed the multi-talented Mr. Parker. “I’m also one of those pussy doctors, a geologist or whatever the fuck they’re called. So if any of you Compton bitches got a pussy that needs some attention, I’ve got a perfectly good surgery in the back of my Escalade and I’ll be happy to give you a full examination.”
According to statistics, once the legislation is passed the number of certified doctors in America will increase by a staggering 60,000% and will encompass everyone from schoolchildren to World War II veterans.