In what is considered by many as the biggest blow to organised religion since Judas Iscariot sold his soul for thirty pieces of silver, the Archbishop of Banterbury has been excommunicated from the Church of England.
The decision to denounce the holy man was made after he showed up to last Sunday’s service wearing nothing but a ”pair of boxershorts with a fake arse sticking out the back of them” and an “I shot J.R. t-shirt”.
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has slammed the Archbishop of Banterbury’s actions, labeling him as “nothing more than a common thug”.
Wunderground caught up with the Archbishop of Banterbury, real name Simon Potts, earlier today, “Do I honestly look like I care that I’ve been thrown out of the Church of England? Well I don’t. I’m actually glad to be honest with you. I only joined because I thought they only worked one day a week but there’s way more to it than that. Excommunication is probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I’m not sure what I’m going to do now, I might go back to my old job, a sex shop assistant, or I might go and spend a bit of time in Thailand, either way I’m going to be taking a lot of drugs and fucking a lot of bitches, I’ve got lost time to make up for,” continued Potts, who once accused the Pope of being a “dress wearing nonce” during a service. “I’m not stuck for a few quid, I’ve been skimming a little bit off the top of the collection plate, an unofficial retirement fund, so the world’s my oyster at the moment.”
“The honestly don’t think the church was ready for a bishop like me, I’m a bit too radical and modern for an archaic establishment like this,” claimed Potts. “I probably would have been better off being a Rastafarian or a Scientologist, they always seemed like a bit of fun, or maybe even a stand up comedian, I’ve no problem commanding a crowd, I think I just chose the wrong crowd.”
According to reports, in an attempt to appeal to the younger generation, the Church of England are set to hire wannabe funny man Dapper Laughs to replace the Archbishop of Banterbury and make the female parishioners moist.
