Barman Taking Ages To Serve You “Out Of Spite”

A worldwide study conducted by the International Vinters Association has concluded that the barman in your local pub or nightclub takes ages to serve you “out of spite”.

The study claims that barmen are typically jealous and surly that they have to work in an environment where they are surrounded by drunk people having a good time without being allowed to join in and so take “their sweet time” serving you “out of jealousy and spite”.

“The barmen who we surveyed claimed that they resent the fact that the customer is enjoying a drink and socialising with friends while he’s stuck being your servant,” claimed study leader Dennis Shortall. “So this causes the barman to act out by taking ages to serve you, sometimes serving other people ahead of you and pretending he doesn’t notice you.”

Some barmen, the survey suggested, are enjoying the modicum of power that their position affords them and so will “be spiteful pricks” out of an egotistical impulse causing them to do things like “serve people ahead of you who weren’t waiting  as long and threatening to not serve you at all if you even so much as suggest that you were there first”.

The report claimed that it’s nothing personal and that barmen treat all customers the same, except for attractive women who, it is claimed, the barman will go out of his way to serve first and that he’ll “take his time serving her so that he can have a playful flirt” which includes “laughing, smiling and even trying to sneak a little stroke of her hand while passing her the drink or her change”.

“Sometimes the barman will pretend he’s busy doing something else like washing glasses or changing pipes but usually this is just a charade to make you wait longer for your pint,” he concluded. “The best thing you can do is just wait it out and grumble rudely when he serves you, get a female friend to get your drink or just get a massive round full of complicated drinks when he deigns to serve you, to spite him back.”