TV survival guru Bear Grylls has announced that he is to go to this year’s We Are FSTVL in Upminster, London, without booking into a hotel.
The festival, which doesn’t offer a camping option, takes place at Damyn’s Hall Aerodrome on 30 & 31 May and Grylls has vowed to document his time at the festival for an upcoming TV project.
“I really want to show people how they could survive if they were to find themselves lost at a festival without any money, food or water,” explained Grylls. “Which, in fairness, is a lot more likely to happen to people than most of the other scenarios I put myself in during my shows. I mean how many normal people find themselves lost on the side of mountain or in the middle of a rain forest? None, that’s how many.”
“I’ll show people how you can navigate your way around a festival without the aid of a site map by using the stars and asking staff a series of key questions like ‘where’s the toilet’ and ‘can I get to the main stage going this way,’” continued the former SAS operative. “I’ll also be making a temporary access all areas pass out of a shoelace and some tree bark to get me into the backstage and VIP sections.”
“There’s a section in the show where I’ll be showing people how to eat at a festival without any money,” claimed the survival expert. “There’s plenty of sustenance to be found at a festival if you know where to look, which is in the bins and on the ground near the foods stalls. You wouldn’t believe what people throw away, you might find half a hot dog bun with some mustard only slightly crusted to it.”
“After I’ve unnecessarily eaten food off the ground, I’ll probably head over to Steve Aoki’s show and see if I can scrape some of his cake off a punter’s face for desert,” he added.
“And, naturally, I’ll be drinking my own piss,” added Grylls, who won the World Iron Stomach Championships in 2001 after eating a dog shit sandwich. “But, as it’s a festival I’ll also be drinking other people’s piss too, people who have been drinking heavily, which will help me get a bit of a buzz on.”
“Then I’ll be showing people how to build a makeshift shelter by hiding in a port-a-loo and crawling under a trailer. It’s going to be the ultimate festival survival guide.”
You’ll be able to watch Grylls’s time at We Are FSTVL in his upcoming TV show, Living Like A Rat: Urban Survival, later this year.
