Beatport Now Selling “Liquid Drum And Bass” By The Gallon
Online music retailer Beatport have announced that they are selling off all of their remaining liquid drum and bass by the gallon.
According to Beatport spokesperson Annie Chewns, the demand for liquid drum and bass is at an all time low, prompting them to offer all of their remaining stock at an extremely low price.
“Nobody seems to be interested in liquid drum and bass anymore,” confirmed Ms Chewns while chatting with Wunderground earlier today. “We’re not sure if it’s because of its extremely pretentious name or just because it’s sound isn’t appealing any more. Either way, we’ve got a shit ton of it sitting in our store room and we’re looking to get rid as soon as possible.”
“We’re selling it off for ten dollars per gallon,” continued the Beatport employee. “I don’t know if you’re familiar with liquid drum and bass, but you get about six hundred songs to the gallon so if you’re still listening to this music you’re not going to get a better deal anywhere.
“We’ve got tracks by all the big liquid drum and bass producers,” claimed Ms Chewns. “I’ve no idea who any of them are but I’ve been told they’re ‘well wet’ so I think that means they’re good.”
Drum and bass DJ Robert O’Neill, a.k.a. Bob O, claimed that Beatport “ain’t got a clue” and that most of their liquid drum and bass is nothing but “commercial tripe”.
“That shit’s about as liquid as carbon mate,” scoffed Bob O earlier. “I don’t know who sorts the genres on Beatport but, whoever they are, they’re fucking mugs. I wouldn’t care if they were giving the gallons away for free, I still wouldn’t have any of it. Pure shite if you ask me.”
Wunderground reports indicate that Beatport have so far sold about two hundred gallons of liquid drum and bass, resulting in almost one hundred thousand pounds worth of water damage to CDJs, mixers and controllers.