A worldwide warning has been issued today after evidence of a global dickhead epidemic emerged overnight.
Local authorities are advising people to be cautious as the international number of dickheads has soared to a record levels with many areas now believed to be “completely overrun” by dickheads.
Wunderground spoke to Matt Simples of the International Dickhead Awareness Association or the IDAA earlier, “Our offices have been inundated with reported sightings of dickheads, it now appears that we are dealing with a global outbreak.”
“Dickheads come in all shapes and sizes,” confirmed Simples. “Snapback caps, fluorescent shoes and man bags are all telltale sign of a dickhead but even people who don’t at first appear to be dickheads can turn out to be one. Everyone, even your neighbour, is a potential dickhead.”
“If you see a dickhead you should go indoors and report it to the your local IDAA office,” he continued. “Do not under any circumstances communicate with dickheads as long drawn out awkward conversations will often occur.”
“We are asking people to be extra cautious in nightclubs, a dickheads natural environment, especially if there are signs of shuffling,” explained Mr. Simples. “We’re not quite sure whether or not thy are contagious but we would advise staying at least three meters away from the dickheads at all times.”
Unconfirmed reports indicate that dickheads are now forming alliances with shit heads, wankers and morons, under the banner of Cunts, and are planning an attempt at world domination in the near future.
