Bridges have today been roundly praised by the nation’s several thousand heroin addicts as being “a great place to bang up”.
The accolade has been welcomed by the Department of Tourism as it comes top of a list of other popular bang up sites around the country such as “alleys, bushes, squats and playgrounds”.
“We’re delighted to hear that this feature of our public landscape is so well loved by the country’s heroin addicts, it’s really a special commendation that we’re extremely proud of,” declared a Department of Tourism spokesperson who added that the slogan may be used in future ad campaigns “as a way to attract more junkies”.
“It’s quiet, it’s out of the rain and wind, as far as spots to lash a spike of brown into your arm go, it’s the top one,” explained local junkie Blake. “In the summer months it really comes into its own with the soft play of light and shadow against the brickwork of the arch and the delicate tinkle of the water, it’s a really peaceful, romantic place and that’s why the nation’s junkies are so fond of banging up there.”
Blake claims that the secluded nature of the bridge also makes it a perfect location from which to sell smack away or blowjob a customer away from the prying eyes of the police or local children.
This isn’t the first time bridges have been famously endorsed by junkies but is certainly the most widely reported since California rockers The Red Hot Chili Peppers classic hit Under The Bridge.
“I’ve banged up in all sorts of places and something about under the bridge, lying topless on a piece of old cardboard in the midday sun, is special,” continued Blake who says he likes to lighten up the exposed brickwork of the bridge with some topical graffiti and empty beer cans. “It’s got a great vibe and you like to think that if I do accidentally overdo it on the ole brown and start overdosing then it won’t be long before a cyclist or man walking his dog finds you.”
