The world’s most recognisable head doorman, Sven Marquardt, has reveled that Britons will be 99% less likely to gain entry into Berlin’s Berghain nightclub if they vote to leave the European Union in next month’s Brexit referendum.
Non-nationals already face an uphill battle against the nightclub’s ultra-selective door policies, with the language barrier, wearing clothes that aren’t quite black enough and “just because” the main reasons people are turned away from Berghain’s entrance.
“It will be practically impossible for people from Britain to get into Berghain if they vote to leave the EU next month,” confirmed Mr. Marquardt earlier today. “We’re already annoyed that they don’t use the same currency as we do, they’re constantly holding up the queue at the bar because they’ve to double check their Euros every single time. It makes things so inefficient and, as Germans, we pride ourselves on our efficiency.”
“The Brexit will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back,” continued the bouncer. “First there was the struggle for Imperial power and the two world wars, then there was the 1966 World Cup and now this, we can’t take anymore humiliation and we’re not beyond being so petty as to ban British people from the club to get our revenge.”
Current opinion polls suggest that Britain is likely to remain in the European Union with most rational thinking Britons choosing to do the opposite of what “mumbling morons like Boris Johnson” say.
