Reports from the music industry indicate that Calvin Harris has identified Ed Sheeran as his next potential pop star love interest.
Harris, best known for serial dating pop stars in order to get discount rates on collaborations, recently split with American songstress Taylor Swift in a much publicised break up.
Wunderground spoke to Harris’s manager, Al de Gurls, earlier, “Calvin is obviously very upset since breaking up with Taylor. He’s not getting as much attention in the media and he has been struggling to be creative without having someone else’s ideas to steal. He’ll definitely be putting himself back out onto the market again very soon.”
“The problem for Calvin now is who to date next,” claimed de Gurls. “He’s already gone out with most of the good looking single female pop stars. Britney Spears is available but she’s obviously damaged goods and he says he won’t go anywhere that Russell Brand’s been, which rules out Katy Perry and about fifty other young ladies.”
“So, our whole team got together last week to work out a strategy for Calvin’s love life and we’ve decided that his next partner should be Ed Sheeran,” revealed Harris’s manager. “They seem like the perfect match to me. You’ve got Calvin who’s quite the strapping, model, Adonis type and then you’ve got Ed, who’s more of a hobbit like, awkward, little ginger fella. It’s perfect.”
“And before all you ladies start panicking, no, he’s not turning gay, it’s strictly a business relationship, that will involve both men entering into a fully fledged bum sex scenario in the name of selling records,” continued de Gurls. “So, if you’re stupid enough to think that someone like Calvin would ever lower his standards significantly enough to be with someone like you, when you have no influence on the music industry, have no fear, your delusions are still every bit as credible as they were when he was dating Taylor.”
So far, Ed Sheeran has yet to confirm whether or not the rumours are true, although, it is widely believed that the English singer-songwriter would be far too nice to say no if Harris did make a romantic advance on him.
