Scotch EDM superstar Calvin Harris has today announced that he is to pull out of tomorrow’s eagerly awaited show in Dublin’s O2 Arena due to illness.
Unfortunately for Harris fans, this will also mean that he will miss the entirety of the Greater Than mini tour, which kicks off tonight in Belfast’s Odyssey Arena and finishes on Monday in Glasgow via Dublin, London and Manchester.
Harris made the announcement earlier today on his official Facebook profile, “Unfortunately due to illness I’m not going to be able to play my upcoming Greater Than shows in Belfast, Dublin, London, Manchester and Glasgow. Really sorry to all of you guys who had tickets. We’re already working on getting back to all of these places in 2014.”
While Harris has not divulged the extent of his illness, it is believed that he is suffering from Acute Testicular Discomfort, after a source close to the DJ revealed that he had ‘a pain in his bollocks with touring.’
Event organisers, MCD, were quick to respond to the announcement with news of an ambitious replacement. John Spencer, a spokesperson for the promotional company, spoke about the upcoming show, “We’re disappointed with Calvin’s decision to pull out of the show but there is very little we can do when it comes to illness, it’s just one of those things.”
“We are however delighted to announce that we will be replacing Calvin Harris with a brand new, state of the art, sixteen gigabyte USB stick,” he enthusiastically explained. “Calvin has agreed to copy and paste the pre-recorded set he has thrown together for the tour straight onto the USB storage device,” added Mr. Spencer.
“So apart from the improved stage presence and charisma that the USB stick obviously brings to the table, the show will hardly be affected at all,” he assured.
Harris, pictured above ruining a show by forcing his self involved opinions on the audience, has filled the remaining fourteen gigabytes free space on the USB stick with retorts, should any of the crowd feel the need to question his mixing capabilities or track selection.
Early reports of MCD raising ticket prices to facilitate the USB stick’s involvement have been quashed, with the company instead offering a full refund to the parents of all twenty six known Calvin Harris fans in Ireland.
Is this true peeps ??