Scottish borefest Calvin Harris has today revealed that he plans to date every single female popstar on the planet.
Harris, best known for a string of failed relationships with some of pop music’s biggest female names, is currently dating American songstress Taylor Swift. However, after rumours of a happy ending massage emerged earlier this year, it looks like he may be making plans to move onto his next muse.
“Calvin doesn’t like to stay with the same pop princess for too long,” explained close friend and personality double Andy Murray. “He tends to just latch onto them for a while, steal some of their ideas, make a couple of collaborations and then discard them like a piece of rubbish.”
“It’s pretty horrible to be honest with you but that’s just Calvin, he stopped acknowledging other people as emotional beings a long time ago, it’s why he’s been so successful,” continued Murray with the charisma of a piece of white chalk. “Plus there’s just too many female pop stars on the market to spend any longer than a couple of months with each one.”
Bookies Paddy Power currently place Barbadian singer Rihanna as the favourite to become Harris’s next victim.
“Rihanna has already showed that she has very bad taste in men and is willing to tolerate a pretty high level of abuse,” explained spokesperson Vincent Gamble. “Which makes her a prime target for Harris’s, so called, affection. At the moment she’s four to one to be Harris’s next pop star girlfriend but you can expect those odds to shorten drastically when he inevitably splits with Taylor Swift.”
“Looking beyond Rihanna, Britney Spears has been trying to make a bit of a comeback recently and her self esteem issues would certainly play into Harris’s hands quite well so, at twenty five to one, she could be a decent long shot option for some of you gamblers out there.”
Rumours emerging from Harris’s camp suggest the Summer producer could be about to enter a gay period in his career, which could see him enter into a relationship with either Ed Sheeran, one or all of One Direction or Bruno Mars.
