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The Chainsmokers Prove Turds Can Be Polished

American EDM duo The Chainsmokers have caused ripples in the world of popular proverbs by proving, beyond all reasonable doubt, that turds actually can be polished.

The duo, consisting of Alex Pall and Drew Taggart, are currently one of pop music’s hottest properties despite starting their career as a novelty EDM act.

“It really is amazing to see the transformation these guys have undergone,” claimed music journalist Alan Strings. “They’ve gone from being the most annoying EDM act in the world with no fans to the most annoying pop act in the world with lots of fans, practically overnight. Who would have possibly thought the people who made the song Selfie would someday be popular. It totally beggars belief.”

Wunderground caught up with the double act earlier today, “I’ve been a turd polisher my whole life,” Pall told us. “As a kid, growing up in Westchester County, I’d spend hours upon hours collecting and polishing turds every single day. People would say things like ‘hey Alex you’re wasting your time’ or ‘you stink of shit’ but I always knew there was more to it than that. I polished turds until my hands were raw, some of those turds now sit proudly on my mantelpiece, right beside my Grammy.”

“Alex’s passion for polishing turds definitely played a major role in the evolution of The Chainsmokers,” added Taggart. “Every time I’d start to cry because someone told us we were crap or think about quitting because I read some YouTube comments he’d show me one of his polished loaves and tell me I could either quit now and flush my career down the toilet or I could keep polishing, even if it felt wrong, and hope to someday be a slightly less nauseating version of myself, just like one of his polished poos. Thankfully, I took his advice, I owe him big time.”

According to experts, despite The Chainsmokers casting doubt on popular proverbs, there is still hope that the duo will prove they are not all wrong, with their musical career likely to show that both “easy come, easy go” and “all good things must come to an end” are, in fact, accurate.

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