Drug users all over the world are today celebrating after the UN announced a Christmas ceasefire in the war on drugs.
The war on drugs has been raging to no avail since the early seventies after former American President Richard Nixon declared war on narcotics, labeling drug abuse “America’s public enemy number one”.
The ceasefire will take place between twelve p.m. on the twenty fourth of December and twelve p.m. on the first of January allowing for some much needed respite during the Christmas period.
Brian, a thirty two year old seasoned hash smoker from Nottingham, England, spoke about the upcoming ceasefire, “I’ll probably smoke a bit more hash than I usually do and I might even take a bit of speed or have a dab of mephadrone but that’s probably more to do with it being Christmas than some ceasefire in a pretend war.”
“I’ve always thought the war on drugs was a bit absurd to be honest with you,” continued Brian. “I mean it’s not like drugs is a country that we can just invade, over throw, milk it’s resources and put a local charlatan, who’ll act as a puppet to help protect western agendas, in charge like we usually do when we go to war. So what’s the point of it?”
“You can’t just go around dropping bombs on training camps where cannabis plants go to learn how to be lumps of hash because they don’t exist,” claimed Brian while rolling a joint. “It may as well be a war on kittens or a war on flower pots because if you ask me there’s little or difference between now and when the war on drugs started.”
“As far as I’m concerned the best way to get rid of drugs is to take them all and it’s a lot more fun that a war too,” he added.
According to UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, whose name sounds like something a drunk bank executive exposing his arse at a Christmas party would shout, the ceasefire in the war on drugs is a “momentous day” in the arbitrary battle between man and narcotics and should be used as a “stepping stone to peace” rather than an excuse for “getting off your box”.
