All of your co-workers in your real job are laughing behind you back every time you make the claim that you’re a DJ, it has emerged.
Considering your bi-weekly Traktor sets at barely attended club nights as proof that you’re a working DJ is one of the longest running office jokes there is and regularly amuses everyone you work with.
“It’s hilarious, sometimes I struggle to keep a straight face when he tells me he has a ‘gig’ over the weekend,” confirmed Dave, who sits across from you by the window. “I especially love the fact that a 36-year-old data entry clerk can still have a pipe dream and dress like 17-year-old gap year student living in Ibiza.”
The aspects of your DJing that they find most hilarious is how you have yourself listed as a DJ on Linkedin despite never have been paid for a DJ set, your over-reliance on laptop mixing as opposed to using vinyl or CDs and how you constantly act as if you’re a genuine star even though you have enough talent to do something very basic a few times a year.
“He’s always telling me to check out his cloud sound or pop along to one of his gigs but I’m usually busy on Friday nights between 10 and 11,” continued Dave. “He’s like an uncle at a wedding constantly telling you stories of former glories while you beleagueredly drink yourself into a coma to make it stop.”
“I play a bit of guitar but I don’t walk around constantly reminding people that I play by dropping plectrums in front of them or begging them to listen to my scratchily recorded open mic set,” concluded Dave. “I’m over the age of 30 and therefore have put any dreams of being a famous musician in a drawer filled with attempts to get hench, quitting smoking and cutting down on alcohol and replaced it with spreadsheets, mortgages and the sound of a baby crying on a tit.”
