The Council of Europe has today announced that dance music in indeed a harmless bit of fun.
The results come after the council’s Department of Culture, Heritage and Diversity carried out an inquest in the forty seven member states of the council, which includes all twenty eight EU member states.
The inquest was carried out after calls for stricter policies on music from far right political parties among the member states, with some even going as far as to blame house and techno music on issues such as immigration, economic failure and rising crime levels.
Sergi Yalvadenko, leader of Ukraine’s Nationalist Chumps Party, commented on the issue of dance music, “Ukraine is a beautiful country but recently there has been a rise in the popularity of dance music, this is causing all sorts of problems for the youth of Ukraine,” Mr. Yalvadenko a fan of Motorhead and Ukrainian folk music continued, “It is not even real music, it just goes BANG, BANG, BANG. This driving bass is the real problem, it’s hypnotizing our children and turning them into immigrants and criminals.”
Although these claims may seem bizzare, they did manage to gain support from a sufficient number of parties within the member states, including Sweden’s Tranboarders Nazi’s in Disguise Party, Armenia’s We No Like You Very Much Party and Britain’s Conservative Party, to automatically qualify for an inquest.
The inquest was carried out in nightclubs, raves and festivals within all member states. Hans Indair, chairman of the Department of Culture, Heritage and Diversity spoke of the inquests findings, “We’ve been to Raves all over Europe and it is safe to say that in no cases did we find children being hypnotized by the music, there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that dance music is responsible for turning anyone into criminals or immigrants, in fact what we discovered was nearly the exact opposite. The atmosphere in these places was great everyone got on really well and we barely even seen any fights. It was all just a harmless bit of fun.”
The Council of Europe were so pleased with the findings of the inquest that they have vowed to organise a rave for all of Europe’s heads of state and even changed their logo, pictured above, into a massive e.
