Crosstown Rebels boss Damian Lazarus has today announced that the troop of mavericks associated with the label are set to give up their crosstown status and move into the same neighbourhood.
Lazarus explained the decision to Wunderground earlier this week, “After over ten years of Crosstown Rebels it’s fair to say that we totally overestimated the number of opportunities that would present themselves to a bunch of rebels spread out all across a town.”
“To be honest I think wanting to be a rebel was just a stage I went I through. Myself and Maceo Plex had been watching a lot of Star Wars and we were like ‘hey wouldn’t being a rebel be totally cool and not at all childish?'” he explained. “But now after seeing some real rebel shit going down in Syria I’m just not sure we’re cut out for the rebel life.”
“So we’ve decided to relocate all our members to a new location and form a more conventional gang,” he continued. “It’ll be way easier to run an effective gang if we don’t have to travel half way across London to meet up. We’re probably going to have to change our name to something more gangy, maybe to something like the Putney Posse or the Fulham Philanthropists.”
“We’re thinking of somewhere nice like Putney, we obviously don’t want to step on the toes of any real gangs but we think it’ll be easy enough for a gang of renegade DJs to make a real impact on the social structure of SW15,” claimed Lazarus. “We want to try and stay away from any criminal activities, instead we want to use our gang for good and add something to the community.”
“Maceo Plex suggested that we should become a gang of dancing chimney sweeps, that would go around Putney teaching children interesting facts about life through the medium of song and dance, much like the one led by Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins,” he continued.
“But then Mathew Johnson pointed out that there aren’t really many properties in the SW15 area that use coal these days and we’d probably just look like a gang of paedophiles in disguise, like Jimmy Saville,” he added. “So we probably won’t be doing that.”
“Other ideas we’re dabbling with now are a gang of crime solving DJs, a gang of ghost-hunting scientists and a gang of cross dressing ninjas,” commented Lazarus. “We don’t know much about solving crimes or science but Jamie Jones says he’s a yellow belt in Tae Kwan Do so if he’s willing to teach the rest of us you could see some Crossdressing Rebels on the streets of London pretty soon.”
