A group of mall shoppers have this week been left in a highly distressed state after a large flash mob of grown men flashed their penises at them.
Flash mobs, often used to raise awareness for humanitarian issues, collecting money for charity and showing off, have become popular in recent years thanks to their supposed ‘fun’ nature.
However, shoppers in Miami’s Adventure Mall got more than they bargained for when the group, of about thirty men, used the flash mob as a vehicle to flash their erect cocks at the unsuspecting crowd.
Eyewitness Chrissy Pellossi described the scene, “I was in the mall with my teenage daughters, I’d been picking up some twinkies and bullets and we were just about to go to Taco Bell when the flash mob just kind of happened all around us.”
“At first it seemed really innocent, all the guys just started to dance and, having seen these things on the internet before, I encouraged my daughters to watch,” explained Mrs. Pellossi remorsefully. “Looking back now I should have known better, the bare legs, trench coats and dark glasses were such a big give away.”
“Then the men flashed their cocks within inches of my daughters’ faces, I tried to cover their eyes but it was too late, they seen everything,” she reluctantly revealed. “I never thought that a flash mob would literally be a mob of flashers.”
“Since seeing the cocks my daughters have done nothing but talk about and draw cocks, I even caught one of them trying to peep at my husband’s cock,” explained the distraught mother. “They’re totally infatuated with dicks, now I’m worried they’re going to turn into cheap, slutty, cock monsters just like Lindsay Lohan,” she added.
Police in Miami have drafted the help of celebrity erect cock expert Paris Hilton in an attempt to catch the flashers. However, a source from within the force has revealed that she has been of little help after declaring the CCTV footage of the incident as “hot” and then disappearing into the toilet to “rub one out”.
