Upsetting reports emerging from the electronic music community today indicate that French house legends Daft Punk are to be scrapped and sold for spare parts.
The six time Grammy Award winning robots have enjoyed an illustrious career but it is now believed their owner, Nile Rodgers, is ready to scrap them for their high end electronic components and concentrate on other musical projects.
“There comes a time in every robot’s life-cycle when a decision has to be made whether it’s a viable option to keep the bot alive or to scrap it for spare parts,” explained robot and former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger. “It’s never an easy decision to make and a pretty sad day for any robot owner but that’s life.”
“Daft Punk have been great ambassadors for the robot community and have some really fantastic achievements in the musical world,” continued Schwarzenegger, who escaped being scrapped by reinventing himself as a politi-bot in 2003. “But Nile has obviously come to the conclusion that their worth in now less than the sum of their parts.”
“It probably has a lot to do with that Get Lucky monstrosity they recorded with Pharrell Williams a couple of years ago,” continued Schwarzenegger, who was originally designed as a homoerotic manlove-bot in the 1980’s. “There were robots whose only function is to dance who refused to dance to that track. I think that’s when it became clear that Daft Punk were now obsolete.”
“There are some really valuable parts in those guys,” claimed Schwarzenegger. “I’ve heard the one with the silver helmet actually has a fully functioning flux capacitor in his ass and when he vents gas at a speed higher than eighty eight miles per hour he can actually travel back in time. This is of course just a rumour as you’d think if they were capable of time travel they’d go back and unmake Random Access Memories.”
In related news, other high profile robots who are set to be scrapped this year include malfunctioning misery-bot Kanye West, who was recently caught momentarily smiling on camera at a basketball match, man-bot Bruce Jenner who seems to think he’s a fem-bot and boasting money-bot Floyd Mayweather Junior who has been posing as a fight-bot for over twenty years.
