Danish Man To Divorce CDJs To Marry New Traktor Kontrol Z2
Danish man Siegfried Blomqvist is set to divorce a set of Pioneer CDJ 1000s in order to marry a new Native Instruments Traktor Kontrol Z2.
Blomqvist, 36, is what is known as an Objectum Sexual. Objectum Sexuality is when a person is emotionally, sexually and romantically attracted to inanimate objects. There are thought to be about forty Objectum Sexuals in the world. Some of the stranger items people have married include the Eiffel Tower and the Berlin Wall.
This is not the first time Mr. Blomqvist has been divorced, he also spent 4 years married to a set of Technics 1210s before abandoning them for the CDJs.
Blomqvist talked of his first marriage, ‘I was young, I wanted to be a DJ and I fell for the first set of decks I ever owned, I had a great relationship with Suzi and Staci (Technics). We got married after a couple of months and that put an end to my dreams of becoming a DJ, I couldn’t mix for more than a couple of minutes without getting caught up in the heat of the moment and flicking the pitch or sucking deck .’
‘I was in a club one night, I’d never seen a set of CDJs before. I’d heard of them alright but I wasn’t expecting them to be so sexy. I looked at the mixing desk, my eyes met their jog wheels and I knew straight away that these were the girls for me.’
‘I bought them off the DJ that night, paid twice what they were worth too! I got them home and set them up in the garage, I hopped to let Suzi and Staci down gently but they could tell that something wasn’t right. It got nasty and I……I pushed one of them off the desk, that was the end of the marriage, they were on Ebay the next day.’
Since divorcing his 1210s Mr. Blomqvist has spent the last 10 years living with his CDJs. ‘Life was good with Nancy and Naomi (CDJs), we had a very healthy sexual relationship and apart from a six month blip, when I was having an affair with a Kaoss Pad named Bruce, I really thought they were the girls for me. But alas, I fell out of love with them, I can’t even make the simplest of mixes anymore, there’s just no chemistry left.’
Earlier this year Native Instruments announced the launch of their latest controller, the Traktor Kontrol Z2. ‘I was speechless when I seen her, she’s so slim and exotic. I knew instantly that this would signal the end for me and the girls but I’m going to do things amicably this time, I won’t buy Traci until the divorce is formal.’
We asked Mr. Blomqvist what he would do when an even better product became available. ‘This is it for me now. I think the reason that I have had two unsuccessful marriages is because I’ve been married to two girls at a time, with Traci all I need is her and a laptop, it’s time for me to commit to one woman and settle down.’