A young dance music fan has today frankly admitted that “nothing in the world gets [her] wetter” than having a date regale her with an extensive account of exactly how and why vinyl is better than digital.
Amanda Bryant, a 23 year old journalism student and electronic music fan, was asked what aspect of DJing culture she found to be the most attractive for young women and admitted that both herself and women everywhere are more turned on by the entrenched pedantry of vinyl-only supporters rather than the commonly considered sexiest aspects of DJing – the attention, showmanship and money.
“I love nothing more than when I’m talking about the merits of a particular dance music star to a guy I’m dating only for him to interrupt me mid sentence and in earnest tones of barely understood technical jargon tell me why vinyl is better than digital,” gushed Amanda breathlessly. “It’s about the sexiest thing that can happen to a woman and something that all women secretly love along with bed wetters, loud snorers and nose pickers.”
According to Amanda most women would appreciate hearing a skinny, cold sore ridden, bedroom DJ outline the merits of vinyl DJing more than “having a tuxedo-clad George Clooney stare into her eyes with that mischievous yet smouldering half smile while gently lifting her bra-strap from her shoulders before leaning in and kissing her firmly and passionately”.
“I go weak in the knees for any guy who’ll get worked up and angry over the slightest suggestion that digital is better than vinyl or that the argument is redundant or that a particular song is more techno than tech-house,” continued Amanda, “he’s like a walking Youtube comments section – and I love it.”
Amanda claims that she doesn’t exclusively date overly serious DJ types but that when she does they’ll only have to utter a trigger word like “Beatport, tempo or vinyl” before they’ll have to stop speaking because her tongue is down their throat.
“It’s all I can do to stop myself sitting on his balls right there and then,” she concluded before suggesting that men, and in particular dance music fans everywhere, start taking cretinous arguments over the merits of one DJing practice over another “super seriously because women, and most people, find it just about the sexiest conversation anyone can engage in and, despite appearances to the contrary, aren’t bored to the point of self harm when listening to it.”
ha ha amazing, cant wait until this unturns all the rocks the wannabe dj ‘pros’ and internet droogs lie under to completely not get the joke, take it serious and start arguing about what’s better