The Los Angeles Police Department have confirmed that David Guetta has been arrested and charged with criminal damage following an incident in a restaurant late last night.
According to the restaurant manager, Matt Stanhope, the French DJ ‘smashed the place up’ after taking insult to a number of random words which appeared in a bowl of Alphabetti Spaghetti.
“It was about three a.m. when the guy with the shiny hair came in and ordered a bowl of Alphabetti Spaghetti,” claimed Stanhope. “He’s been in a few times before, we call him Goldie Locks and, apart from him being a bit of a miserable jerk, I’ve never had any issues with him.”
“I was out the back in the kitchen when the trouble started. I heard a smash and some screaming and shouting in a foreign language,” recounted the restaurateur, “so naturally I thought it was terrorists coming to take my freedom and kill democracy, I called the cops straight away.”
“When I looked into the restaurant I was shocked to see Goldie Locks standing in the middle of the floor, covered in spaghetti sauce with tears rolling down his face,” revealed Stanhope. “He’d put a baguette through the front window and broke every plate in the joint. It looked just like a Greek wedding, only instead of having a happy couple it had a sad twerp.”
Pierre Le Prik, a member of Guetta’s vast legal team, spoke to Wunderground about the incident earlier today, “Mr. Guetta was arrested last night after an incident in a restaurant and as of now is still being held by the Los Angeles Police Department.”
“We believe that Mr. Guetta was angered after a number of offensive words, such as ‘cunt’, ‘fag’, ‘tosspot’ and ‘faker’ appeared in the bowl of Allphabetti Spaghetti he was eating,” explained the lawyer.
“It’s no coincidence that this has happened just as the voting for the DJ Mag Top 100 is about to start. Every year somebody tries to derail Mr. Guetta’s campaign to become the world’s number one DJ and we will be taking legal action against Heinz, the manufacturers of the Aphabetti Spaghetti, for defamation of character.”
This is the second time in two years that emergency services have been called to a food related incident involving David Guetta, with the French DJ calling an ambulance to his Parisian apartment last May after having a panic attack while trying to eat a jam doughnut without licking his lips.
