French pop king, David Guetta, has sacked Barney the Dinosaur as his ghostwriter after being on the receiving end of heavy criticism following the premiere of his latest track If You’re Happy And You Know It Clap You Hands at last weekend’s Tomorrowland festival.
Barney is the second member of the animal kingdom to be given their marching orders by the Frenchman after harry the horse was “sent to the glue factory” after animals rights activists protested his use in Guetta’s F*** Me I’ Famous night in Pacha, Ibiza.
“I don’t know why David sacked me,” revealed a glum Barney during an exclusive chat with Wunderground earlier today. “We’ve been getting on great lately, I loved him, he loved me, it was nearly like we were a great big happy family.”
“Then out of nowhere I get a phone call at seven o’clock this morning telling me to clear my desk,” continued the angry dinosaur. “He didn’t even have the balls to break the news to me himself, he got Polly the talking parrot to do it. If I wasn’t such a friendly dinosaur I’d fuck him up but I just don’t have that kind of thing in me.”
“I’ve been working so hard on his new album too and now, after one little bit of bad press, all of that work has gone out the window,” continued Barney, a recovering dino-ket addict. “There’s some really great tunes on there, Humpty Dumpty, Jack & Jill, I’m A Little Teapot and my personal favourite The Wheels On The Bus. I poured my soul into that album, and for what? Nothing, that’s what.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do now, word travels fast in the music industry, I’ll probably have to settle with a gig ghostwriting for Avicii, Nicky Romero or, worst case scenario, Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike.”
According to sources close to Guetta, the DJ is set to replace his ghostwriter with a team of thirty chimpanzees, four cats, 2 goldfish and Afrojack to ensure his upcoming album is finished on schedule.
