David Guetta’s Euro 2016 song, This One’s For You, has officially been declared even more boring than football.
The announcement was made by the International Music Standards Association, or the IMSA, in Las Vegas early this morning after a panel of judges were “bored to sleep” by the track.
“Not only is David Guetta’s latest track more boring than football, it’s actually one of the most boring tracks of all time,” revealed IMSA chairman Danny Tanaglia. “As an American, I find football, or soccer as we call it, extremely boring, they don’t even have time outs for commercial breaks, what’s that all about? So to say that a piece of music that only lasts three and a half minutes is more boring than a ninety minute snooze fest is quite a big deal.”
“But, unfortunately for Mr Guetta and UEFA, it’s true,” continued Tenaglia. “In fact, you’d have to go all the way back to England’s official song for the 1998 World Cup, Fat Les’ Vindaloo, to find a track that was more boring than this one. What is it with football and music collaborations that make them so fucking shit?”
According to UEFA’s disgraced former president, Michel Platini, Guetta’s track is the perfect accompaniment for this summer’s tournament.
“Well, being A Frenchman, I clearly know a lot more about football and house music then some stupid American standards board,” claimer an aloof Platini. “David Guetta paid enough money to have his song chosen as the official song for Euro 2016 so therefore it was the best song available, just like Qatar was the best location available for the World Cup in 2022.”
“With the tournament’s new format we’re expecting an extra boring couple of weeks,” confirmed Platini. “So we’re hoping that by playing Guetta’s track continuously throughout the matches we can trick people into thinking that the football is actually entertaining. It took a lot of planning, and bribing, to come up with this idea.”
According to experts, things that are more boring than David Guetta’s latest track include; any interview with Andy Murray ever, counting grains of sand, all of Adam Sandler’s movies and talking to Tiësto about trance.
