A supposed deep house fan has come to the realisation that he doesn’t like deep house after going to a gig without bringing any ketamine.
Simon Burke, a twenty three year old retail worker, came to the the life changing realisation after a attending a local deep house event on Saturday night.
“I’ve thought I was a deep house fan for about the last three or four years,” explained Mr. Burke earlier. “I’ve been going to deep house gigs since I was eighteen or nineteen and I’d always have a couple of grams of ket in my pocket to get me through the night. Even though I could never really remember the music I always woke up the next day thinking I’d had a great night.”
“Up until last weekend I just presumed I was a massive deep house fan,” continued Mr. Burke. “I’d go to the gigs and get ketted of my nut and just stand in front of the speakers swaying mildly from side to side but on Saturday I forgot my ket, two whole grams sitting uselessly on my bedside locker, and when I went up to the front for a sway I realised that the tunes were actually quite boring and shit.”
“I ended up leaving after about an hour,” revealed Burke, who is starting to regret the “deep house for life” tattoo he got on his leg last summer. “As an experiment I took two massive lines, turned on a Dolly Parton album and stood in front of the speakers in my bedroom.”
“I ended up having a great time and was able to sway just as good to a bit of Joleen or 9 to 5 as I was to Dusky or Disclosure,” claimed Burke. “It turns at that the only thing I liked about deep house was the ket, not the music at all, the music is actually shit.”
“Now I’m thinking if ket can make me like deep house, what else can it make like?” he asked. “Going to see chick flicks in the cinema with my girlfriend, dinner round my nan’s house, work, funerals, all of these things would be so much better with some ket.”
According to reports, Mr. Burke was fired from his retail job the day after speaking to Wunderground, after customers reported a “drooling man” swaying from side to side at the back of the store.
