Reports from the inside wall of a toilet cubicle in a Hollywood nightclub suggest that American DJ Diplo may have eventually found love, after making a genetically engineered clone of himself.
According to witnesses, the report from the second floor men’s bathroom at Vanity Nightclub read, “Diplo sucks his own dick and fucks his own asshole,” making it ninety nine percent likely that the DJ has turned to cloning in an attempt to find happiness.
Hollywood cringe inducer Ellen DeGeneres spoke to Wunderground, “I’m so happy for Diplo, he totally deserves to be happy and this just proves that there is someone out there for everybody, even if you have to turn to cloning yourself to find them. I’m going to get the happy couple to come and have a dance with me on my show real soon.”
Wunderground also spoke to Hollywood’s foremost romance expert, Bill Cosby, to find out the answer to the question on everybody’s lips. Does having a relationship with a genetically engineered clone of himself make Diplo gay?
“It’s a bit of a grey area if I’m being honest with you,” claimed Cosby. “He is sucking a dick and fucking a guy in the ass but, technically, it’s his own dick and ass so it’s kind of like a very fancy form of jacking off.”
“You can call it gay or jacking off or whatever the hell you want to call it,” continued Cosby. “I say it doesn’t matter, once you give everybody enough of the magic potion, ain’t nobody going to remember it anyway so it doesn’t matter a fuck what you call it. You get me?”
While Diplo has yet to appear in public with his clone, believed to be called Docus, a number of people have reported seeing the DJ “French kissing his reflection in shop windows”, suggesting he is in training for the couple’s first public appearance.
