Internationally acclaimed knobhead, Diplo, is believed to now consider himself bigger than Jesus after appearing on the DJ Mag Top 100 DJs in three different forms.
The DJ, best known for being the father of Skrillex’s children, appeared on this year poll as himself, part of the duo Jack Ü and as a member of the group Major Lazer.
“It was only a matter of time before I finally took over from big J.C. as the world’s most influential white dude,” explained Diplo earlier today. “To be honest I was probably bigger than him already, seen as I’m over six foot tall and the average height back then was a mere five foot one, but now I’m a trinity too so it’s official.”
“Great things happen to great people,” continued the star, displaying the modesty of peacock, “and I’m clearly a great person. One time, before I was even superfamous, I had ten different people stop me in the street in one day to tell me how great I was. I bet Jesus never had that problem. Not until he started giving out free wine anyway.”
“I’m also pretty sure I’m a lot better looking than Jesus,” added Diplo, real name Thomas Wesley Pentz. “Do you think Madonna would have hung out with Jesus? Of course not, she would have told him to go cut his hair, shave his beard and put some goddamn shoes on, sandals aren’t cool, and then she might have hung with him but probably not.”
“The only bad thing about becoming bigger than Jesus is there isn’t really much more for me to accomplish,” claimed the DJ. “I’m really not sure what I’m going to do next. I’ll probably head into the desert for forty days and forty nights, I’ve heard Vegas is nice this time of year.”
In related news, Diplo, pictured above doing his best “Christ on the cross” impression, was confronted by a hungry mob last night after inviting five thousand people to his house for dinner but only bought five loaves of bread and two fish to feed everyone.