Under fire US disc spinner and producer, Diplo, is this week undergoing groundbreaking surgery to finally remove the massive dick that has been steadily growing from the front of his head.
The dick, called Dicklo by friends, has been a massive burden on the EDM star’s career as it has been known to cause Diplo to make wildly sexist and abusive remarks to women – as witnessed by his behaviour towards a Gif artist to whom he made misogynistic comments after she insisted for accreditation for some of her work that Diplo used without permission.
“Yeah it’s just gotta go,” claimed the hitmaker. “I’ve always been a bit of a dickhead and that’s helped propel me to where I am today via Twitter but sometimes I’m more dick than head and I say stupid things that get me in trouble. That all ends today.”
Doctors claim that having a large swinging dick protruding from your head can cause sufferers to have an over balance of the hormone testosterone which in turn can cause aggressive behaviour – particularly against women and music.
“At the end of the day it is a functioning penis, albeit a metaphorical one, but still one that has all the cravings and desires of a normal penis which unfortunately go unfulfilled, causing it to lash out,” claimed the surgeon who would be overseeing the removal, Dr. Allen Large. “If we don’t remove it soon then it’ll begin to overtake the patient’s life and he will be at risk of being a dick forever.”
Some other famous people who have suffered from dickheaditis include the entire cast of Jersey Shore, Hitler and Justin Bieber.
“Bieber definitely,” confided the docter. “He actually has two dicks in his heads. He’s fucked. But Diplo still has some time, enough talent to save before he’s forever known as the guy who shouts at women, a sort of verbal Chris Brown.”
“I just want to get this thing removed, it’s been such a burden on me, I look forward to the day when I’m not a dickhead and can do things like a normal person without making offensive comments to people,” concluded Diplo. “I wanna let my music do the talking instead of my talking doing the talking.”
penis.
better pic