An unnamed DJ is recovering in hospital this morning after undergoing emergency surgery to have a Traktor Kontrol X1 removed from his anus late last night.
The DJ claims the controller entered his anus after he slipped on some spermicidal sex lube and landed awkwardly on his equipment while practicing for an upcoming gig.
“It’s really hard to explain what happened, one minute I was DJing the next minute I was on my back with my Traktor Kontrol X1 up my arse,” explained the recovering DJ from his hospital bed.
“I must have slipped on some lube, I have loads of it my room for all the sex I have with really hot birds,” he continued with a stern look. “I’m guessing as I slipped my trousers fell off and when I tried to grab onto something I must have knocked the controller of the desk. In all the commotion my arse and the controller must have been splashed with lube allowing the controller to slip inside easily.”
“It’s not like I actually put the controller inside myself, that’d be totally weird. It was just really bad luck that I landed at the perfect angle for the controller to go right up my arse,” claimed the DJ. “Do you hear me? Just bad fucking luck,” he added with an air of menace.
Dr. Prajesh Lakhan, of London’s King George Hospital, spoke to Wunderground about the incident, “It’s just another day in the hospital. We’re removing things from anuses every day in here, we actually have a ward dedicated to taking things out of people’s bums. We know it can be embarrassing for people so you can get in and out through the backdoor,” joked the doctor.
“This week alone I’ve taken a cricket ball, a fish bowl and a microphone out of peoples’ back passages,” continued Dr. Lakhan. “It seems to be a common trend with musicians, just last week I had a guy in here who “sat” on a harmonica, every time he farted he played a verse of Bob Dylan’s song The Hurricane.”
“This is the first time we’ve found a piece of digital DJing equipment up someone’s arse and remakably because the sync button had been pressed the patient was still able to mix while undergoing surgery,” revealed the doctor. “I bet he wishes he’d stuck with vinyl now,” he concluded with a grin.
