A local DJ has allegedly missed his own gig after spending four hours trying to untangle the knots in his headphones cable.
Anthony Blake, aka DJ Tony B, reportedly became embroiled in a “tumultuous battle royal” with three meters of cable in the back room of Charlie’s Nightclub, moments before he was due behind the decks.
Promoter Andy Mandy spoke to Wunderground, “That little prick Tony B was supposed to play a warm up set between twelve and one last night. He’s got his four free drinks and two garries for his fee, as we’d agreed on, and the little cunt hasn’t bothered his arse coming into the DJ box to play.”
“I was going mental. Little Mike, the DJ who played before him, only had an hour’s worth of tunes with him so he had to start playing the same tracks again,” revealed Mr. Mandy. “The place was proper going off, there must have been at least fifty people in there. I was running around the dance floor trying to spot him, it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack or, at least, a person in a relatively large group of people.”
“Then someone told me he was in the back room arguing,” he continued. “I went to check it out and I heard lots of shouting and cursing so I presumed he was having women troubles and left him to it, there’s no way I’m sticking my nose in there. Then, later on, I found out he was just trying to unknot his headphones cable the whole time. He’ll never be asked back here again.”
According to Tony B, his headphones cable resembled a “bowl of noodles cooked by a blind badger on speed”.
“What else was I supposed to do?” asked the DJ. “I can’t mix without my headphones and there was no way I was going to let a poxy cable beat me. I couldn’t do anything until I’d got the knot open.”
“The fucked up thing is; I’m always very careful when I pack up my headphones away but two minutes in my bag is enough to turn them into poxy spaghetti junction. I swear there’s some sort of troll who lives in there and just ties them up in knots to annoy me. I finally got it undone after about four hours but when I went to leave the place had closed and they’d locked me in, I had to sleep there.”
If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in the article, please take more fucking care when storing your headphones.
