In more strange news from the electronic music industry, it has been revealed that DJ Sneak’s Twitter account is in fact controlled by the ghost of everyone’s favourite bad guy, Adolf Hitler.
The news has come as a shock to both industry insiders and fans all over the world and comes off the back of a number of much publicised Twitter feuds with fellow electronic music artists such as Joris Voorn and Yousef.
“For years I thought Sneak’s Twitter persona was just a front,” claimed friend and DJ Derrick May. “He was always very cagey about the whole thing, anytime I’d ask him why he was being such a confrontational Nazi on Twitter he’d just clam up.”
“I always thought that was weird but it all makes sense now,” he added, “obviously it’s haunted by the ghost of the long-dead dictator – there’s literally no other explanation.”
According to Sneak’s management, the DJ’s Twitter account became haunted by the antisemitic apparition shortly after the account was activated in 2009. “He literally only had the account a couple of days. We were on tour somewhere in Germany and somebody ate Sneak’s last bratwurst.”
“He was going nuts trying to find out who had eaten it, he sniffed everyone’s breath, inspected people’s teeth, he even suggesting surveying people’s shit for traces of the sausages but he just couldn’t figure out who the glutton was,” explained the unnamed management executive. “So he did what any reasonably minded DJ looking for a sausage would do. A Ouija board.”
According to witnesses, a ghostly figure bearing a striking resemblance to Hitler, dressed in the “finest Tommy Hilfiger suit [they’d] ever seen” and cultivating some “well square lip curtains” shot out of the Ouija board and straight into Sneak’s MacBook Pro – “like the final scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark“.
“Ever since that night Sneak hasn’t been able to access his Twitter account at all,” continued the anonymous source. “He can’t maintain it, cancel it, nothing. And to make matters worse it keeps sending out all of these horrible tweets and starting beefs that Sneak has no intention of being involved in.”
“The ironic thing is Sneak remembered it was him who ate the bratwurst about twenty five minutes later, that’s why he never talks about it, he’s really embarrassed by the whole thing.”
Ghost expert Peter Venkman also commented on the recent revelation, “That Hitler fella was a grade A asshole and you can bet your bottom dollar that his ghost is just as big, if not an even bigger, asshole than he was.”
“It must be horrible for Sneak,” continued Venkman. “I’ve always thought that he seems like a nice guy but his Twitter persona is just cripplingly petulant and moany. It’s clear that Hitler’s ghost hates everything, from kittens right through to freedom, and he clearly has no sense of humour and fails to recognise the concept of a joke.”
“I really think the best thing for everyone to do is just ignore DJ Sneak’s Twitter, it’s not relevant, it’s nasty and if you stare at it for long enough it’ll probably turn you into stone – like something out of the Indiana Jones film that was mentioned earlier.”
Sneak’s case is not the first time a DJ’s Twitter account has been hacked by otherworldly beings, in 2008 Armin van Buuren’s account was taken over by Charlie Chaplin and in 2011 Carl Cox’s account was forced to temporarily shut down after being infiltrated by the original dog who played Lassie’s evil spirit.
