A source close to the EDM industry has today claimed to have uncovered the real reason why DJs perform heart hand gestures during their shows.
“I was working as a sound tech on a highly popular international festival when I first began to notice a pattern that revealed me to the dark secret,” claimed whistleblower Anthony, not his real name. “Any time a DJ, male or female, performs the heart hand gesture they’re fully aroused and often looking deep into the eyes of an audience member and thinking about what it’d be like to fuck them.”
Anthony claims that during his time working up close and personal as a sound tech he noticed several big named DJs had “fairly robust bulges in their pants, quivering excited eyes and a slightly opened mouth”.
“Sometimes I’m actually there under the desk so I can see everything,” he explained. “Out of nowhere there’ll be an almost robotic extending of the penis, or a wooshing flood of vaginal lubricant, and without even having to look up I know that if I climb out from under the desk the DJ will be doing heart hands, swaying slightly and smiling.”
Anthony insists that despite appearances, DJs do the heart hand gesture not to express love for the music but because either their fanny is sopping or their dick is hard – “if you flipped through some photos of DJs performing it and looked closely at the crotch you’d see the telltale signs of weird sexual arousal – like David Guetta licking his lips at Tomorrowland”.
“That was definitely an orgasm,” he added.
“I don’t know what gets them so aroused, maybe the thoughts of their undeserved status, their money or gazing at the panting and sweaty audience members,” he added, pointing to the photo provided of David Guetta in the midst of a shuddering French orgasm. “One thing is for certain, whenever they do get wet, out come the heart hands.”
“I don’t know if the heart means ‘I love how engorged my lips are now’ or if the shape is them suggesting ‘I could hold two penises like this’, but it only ever happens when they’re horned up,” he added.
“People have for years thought that it was a sign that denoted love for the music or the experience or whatever,” continued Anthony, “but in actual fact it’s cause they’re fantasising about smearing dick or fanny juice onto a willing partner right there on the stage.”
“They love nothing more when audience members make the gesture back to them, it’s a sort of a voyeuristic approval they need to climax, and climax they do, rather heavily,” he concluded. “I should know, I’ve cleaned it.”