A doctor, who has campaigned for psychoactive drugs to be used for the treatment of a number of medical conditions, has claimed that the drugs will not cure the common cold but will make it “a bit more fun”.
Speaking to a partially interested crowd at a recent house party, Doctor Martin Horsefield claimed that substances such as magic mushrooms, LSD and DMT will have little effect on the symptoms of the common cold but will help victims ignore them by having “a good old belly laugh”.
“The common cold really is the Achilles heel of modern medicine,” explained Horsefield to Wunderground earlier. “Most treatments simply numb the senses to make people suffering from a cold a little more comfortable but, by treating a cold with psychoactive drugs, we can take a radical new approach to fighting the common cold, without having to unnecessarily dope people up.”
“Laughter is widely considered to be one of the best forms of medicine,” continued the doctor. “And there’s no better way to make people laugh than giving them some psychoactive drugs, apart from maybe making them watch Steve Aoki trying to mix without the aid of a sync button. In four out of five cases where we’ve used psychoactive drugs to treat a cold we’ve found that people have had a really good time and forgot they were sick for up to eight hours.”
In related news, tropical house could soon be used as a laxative after a number of leading pharmaceutical manufacturers confirmed that listening to it will “literally bore the shite out of you”.