“Does My Voice Really Sound Like That?” Asks DJ After Using Mic For The First Time

A DJ has been left in a shocked state after hearing his own voice over a PA system at a recent twenty first birthday party.

Peter Barkley, a.k.a. Sir Spinsalot, admitted that he would “never usually use a microphone” during one of his sets but he “couldn’t refuse the money” offered to perform at the private function.

He explained his ordeal to Wunderground, “I’ve been DJing in clubs and house parties for around five years, so basically since the beginning of EDM. I’m not really into doing functions but a mate was let down last minute and he made me an offer I just couldn’t refuse….of cash, and free drinks on top of that.”

“I hate it when DJs talk over their sets, it sounds really shit and totally ruins the tunes, just like a Calvin Harris remix or when he’s angrily asking for someone who disagreed with his track choice to be removed from the club,” claimed Mr. Barkley.

“But with this being a twenty first birthday I knew I’d have to say a few words, I’ve always been pretty confident in my own voice so I wasn’t really too worried about it,” he continued. “I’ve been able to talk since I was about three and I’ve been talking to girls with minor success (i.e. without stuttering or pissing myself) since I was 18, so I think you’ll agree I know how to jabber jibber,” he misspoke.

“I’d warmed the crowd up nicely and about an hour into my set I started to wish the birthday girl a happy birthday,” recounted the DJ, “but as soon as my voice came over the PA system I just totally froze up. I couldn’t believe it was my voice, it sounded so strange as if someone else’s voice was coming out of my mouth like I was a ventriloquist’s dummy or Luis Suarez making a public apology for something.”

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“I’ve always thought my voice was really macho. A strong, butch and masculine vocalization of my uber manly thoughts,” commented Mr. Barkley who lists his manly thoughts as girls, cars and girls sitting on cars. “But now that I’ve heard it over a massive sound system I realise that it’s a weak and effeminate voice, I’m not the man I thought I was and I’m beginning to doubt whether people have ever really taken me serious or not,” he admitted self consciously.

“I eventually stuttered my way through the rest of my set, every time I spoke I croaked like a frog trying to speak Chinese, just how David Guetta would sound if you asked him a question about music production,” he continued. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to speak in public again.”

Since giving this interview Mr. Barkley has taken up smoking crack in a bid to add huskiness to his voice, however his DJing career has been cast into doubt after he sold all of his equipment to support his quickly developing drug habit.