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Universal Music & SoundCloud Copyright The Entire Spectrum Of Sound

Universal Music & SoundCloud Copyright The Entire Spectrum Of Sound

Music giants Universal Music have today announced a team up with online streaming service SoundCloud to make the stunning purchase of the entire spectrum of sound by copyrighting everything that the human ear can detect.

The move comes after recent criticism of the companies for their stance on DJs using licensed music in their sets without permission and is viewed by those within each company as a way to quell any criticism that might be voiced against them.

Some of the things that now fall under the copyright include human speech patterns like a man gently weeping or fat cat music executives laughing, any music ever made including even things that barely qualify as music like noise core or David Guetta.

“Under the new copyright anything the human ear can sense will be owned by Universal-SoundCloud and people will need to subscribe annually to be able to hear anything at all,” explained a statement released by the companies which was forbidden to be read aloud else the person reading it had to pay a small fine. “All everyone alive who wants to make music, speak or hear anything at all like their name being called or the sound of oncoming traffic has to do is pay the yearly subscription charge of $500 and they can listen to anything to their ears’ content.”

Musicians and celebrities have been quick to lash out at the new rules set out by Universal-SoundCloud insisting that it’s not ethically or morally appropriate for a company to actually own sound.

Some of the prominent voices of opposition belong to techno musicians like Apparat and Steffi, or famous people who like the sound of their own voice like Kanye West – who maintains that he actually already owned the entire spectrum of sound having won it in a game of checkers with Michael Jackson that they played on one of the black and red squared boards rather than the traditional black and white board which, claims Kanye, would have offended Michael and also given him a competitive edge.

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Other non-musical noise makers who hissed their disapproval include constantly talking racist taxi drivers who’ve had to resort to ever more creative finger gestures to express their distaste for other races while tennis player and grunting enthusiast Serena Williams is said to be devastated having groaned her disapproval in a series of husky bellows that her sister Venus translated as meaning “motherfucker”, “bullshit” and “ooommmppph that swing took a lot of my arm strength”.

Even ordinary folk were outraged, claiming that they won’t be able to hear everyday sounds like the plop of their own dumps splashing satisfyingly into the toilet or be able to have a wank in peace lest they miss the sound of the door being opened by a family member meaning that they will now have no choice but “to stand directly in the corner and wank facing out like a monkey or Michael Hutchence”.

“I wanted to hear the sounds of my baby’s first cries when he came gushing out of me but I missed it because I’d forgotten to pay Soundcloud,” explained new mother Karen Drew. “And then of course I had to pay to hear the baby’s first words too. I paid the subscription to hear what he said and it was just something nonsensical like ‘goo goo gaa gaa’, which aren’t even words….fucking waste of money if you ask me.”

View Comments (28)
  • Sorry but where does copyright come in when Dj’s have paid for the tunes they play and then post the mix up for free ? GREEDY American music industry and you the small boys give in to these who think they have power. So Soundcloud with this you know your popularity will drop and people will go else where.

    • It’s called free promotion, but oh no the industry lawyers have to justify their existence by throwing their weight around and issuing takedown notices, not that I even want to listen to anything that Universal owns the copyright for- indie all the way.

      • the problem is the small vocal samples that some electronic artists can get them taken down because theirs an algorithm on the site that can detect the wavelength of popular songs and even if it’s a tiny 2 seconds clip, Universal can just take it down without any due process. With youtube there needed to be a copyright claim submited then youtube would go through a process to take it down, but now they just analyze the wavelength and auto deny you for something that isn’t even using a full song.

        • Can make that into a fun challenge though – fuck with the vocal sample until it beats the algorithm.

          I ain’t scared o’ no muthafunkin algo-rhythm

          • Actually that’s what people did with youtube because they also analyze uploads and deem them not postable or semi postable lol. So people sometimes take a song and slightly speed it up so it passes the filter. But then you gotta listen to your fav song in slow mo lol

    • Well actually, it originates from royalties that need to be collected for the artist (and everyone else in the record company). If you use someone else’s music for profit, you should technically be paying the owners of the copyright of the music. If you’re publicising it to the internet for free, that’s where it gets messy – you’re sort of offering another artists music for free to others.

      If you wrote a song and sold it to one hundred people, you’d be please with the outcome. If you sold it to one person, and he shared a version of that track to ninety-nine people, you wouldn’t be happy.

      I’m not saying the monopoly on music is right, but that’s the “justification” for it.

      • DJ’s don’t make mixes for profit. Dj’s haven’t sold mix tapes, which were ten bucks back in the day, for over a decade. They make them to promote the artists who made them and in turn make the song popular for the artist. There’s not one producer out there who has ever made a electronic hit without the support of dj’s.

        You know nothing about the electronic scene and how it was grown off the hard work of tastemaking dj’s who brought the sounds to the masses. Also most dj’s buy their music through digital websites like beatport. Your argument is completely offbase. Dj’s playing the music is what makes electronic music popular. They are doing a promotion service, not stealing music. You have not one clue. I studied copyright policy for 6 years. There’s a little something called “fair-use” but since “EDM” has taken off as such a huge scene, now they decide they want to cash in on individual artists/dj’s who are the ones making the profit for these big copyright trolls. Stop protecting some faceless corporation when you have no idea how things work in the industry and the decades of taking advantage of black folk artists of the 40s-60s, to the horrible crap they turned out in the 90s.

        • All music purchased is technically for home use only. This is the information that is usually on record labels / sleeves, but you do not get this info with downloads. It’s always been this way since recorded music has been copyright’ed and sold. All recordings contain this statement in some form or another, well physical products anyway.

          “All rights of the producer and of the owner of the work reproduced reserved. Unauthorized copying, hiring, lending, public performance and broadcasting of the record prohibited.”

          I.e. if you want to record a mix with the music and share it, then technically you need to apply for a licence form the label or publisher.

          • You have no idea how the industry works do you. Copyright records was invented so studios could get fresh sounds from blacks and then pay them nothing. I know some artists who worked hard and sold a bunch of records. But then they send you a letter for a 4 dollar royalties. And please look up fair use. Its legal to use copyrighted material if it serves promotional,educational, or instructional. The fact people think every DJ million dollar diplo and Calvin Harris is a joke. Those guys would be nowhere without making dance mixes and introducing crowds to sounds which led to sales for the record label. Try again bro, your straw man argument isn’t going to due anything against my decade following copyright laws international and domestic

          • your sir are an idiot and clearly have no idea how copyright works.

            So what label are you signed to? links to your releases?

          • Hah now you want some credentials? How about I worked in the rave industry for 15 years. I read articles on the shaddy practice’s from big industry. This is why artists back in 2008, a band you might have heard. Radiohead? They released a wicked album online for free or donation. Also I have a little something called a political philosophy and communications of which I researched and wrote about net neutrality 10 years before it even came a news story and accurately predicted the eventual destruction of net neutrality. Let’s see what else I interview liberal and conservative politicians and as I said I had to read through thousands or articles and a lot of my assessments were farther than anyone in the program. I also spent an immense time in music industry studies. Essentially copyrights are there to exploit the artists. M.I.A left her label because they wouldn’t release it for a year because they have product release schedules and they improperly market her album. Oh there’s also Louise ck who did a complete solo comedian routine and released it only for 5 bucks. Do I really need to explain more to a man with such a simple mind. You are the guy spouting cliche arguments like any idiot who reads a headline. Have you ever dj’d before? You should its a stressful low playing jobs. Hip hop DJs like grandmaster flash, pharcyde and l even the Beastie boys got sued for using samples in their music and they won because mixing a record live you are performing a service and promotion. This is how the rave scene finally came out of dark alley warehouses and into clubs and now huge festivals. All these people are all business and people get paid or free tickets. The whole hip hop and electronic production was created from sampling, block parties and all that it was a community. Labels are there to make up fake tour fees, fuck up your bookings. The fall in sales by major labels was due to their poor business choice. They should have invested in digital services. Beatport, Juno and beatport make plenty of profit. Fact is big labels run by old out of touch A&R kept trying to sign crap acts. I got a whole list I could keep going. Trent reznor left his label. It’s just plain money gauging of the industry’s creative culture. The practice destroys the evaluation of music. So do I seriously have to go dust off my JSTOR digital perioral membership with quotes stats and charges till your be able to slightly understand. You also never responded to me telling you to look up fair use of copyrighted material is perfectly legal hence all the DJs spreading word of unheard music to a mass audience which in turns allows for more sales. Kids now a days use Shazam to find the track then buy 3 dollar signas. I can tell you have never even read the telecommunications act yet you all me stupid. How about fighting a well reasoned argument so I can taear it apart

          • Okay so again read the law carefully look for fair use and fucking learn something about how new music and artists are born. Again faaaaair use. You are mixing the records for only a half amount of its complete time. They work for next to nothing to promote fellow artists work and and innovate. Hell if you look at nirvana some of their tracks have completed same riffs because they were from their childhood fans of post-rock. So listen again look up fair usage and know that it means and that no DJ has ever paid a license. Some are making 100 bucks and free beer to spin. The big time DJs like Calvin Harris Steve aoki etc don’t apply for a license, they play music they made then their friends send them new tracks and remixes for free just to promo it. So really check yourself bro. You know shit about anything in this topic. Move along now

          • There is not a single nightclub in the world where the DJs ask persmission to play the records that they play. DJs buy records and play them to the crowd. That’s how it has always worked.

  • Ooh, look! My leg is being pulled. Nice try with the outrage generator, y’all. (I’m wondering if someone will create a DogWhistle Dubstep genre…)

  • ill find somewhere else to go dont give a damn what Soundcloud does hell i still have a FREE account from years back aint payin for shit. There is always a bigger and better place.

    • Some of these joke-articles are quite subtle. You have to read them quite carefully before realising that it’s pulling your leg. If you re-read it, you’ll notice that every sound that is ever made (not just in a recording, but just all sounds) are now owned. You can tell that it’s winding you up.

  • Goes back to what my man said. What about dj’s that buy all the tunes comin out and want to post sets that they mix. I damn sure aint gonna pay to do that. Gotta be fukin kidding me. Greedy fuks.

  • So you mean to inform me that my music in which I created, did not sample nor steal from any artist and/or composer is going to be own by universal because they brought sound cloud? The HELL THE ARE! I will see them in court first.

      • It better be a joke, cause I am not joking. I just came home after 30 years of incarceration for nys penal law, section 125.25; if the courts won’t give me justice, then you know the rest.

  • This is a joke, guys. Read a book on copyright laws…

    Copyright protection subsists, in accordance with this title, in original works of authorship fixed in any tangible medium of expression, now known or later developed, from which they can be perceived, reproduced, or otherwise communicated, either directly or with the aid of a machine or device.

    Therefore the entire spectrum of sound is not considered an original work of authorship.

  • This is complete and total bullshit. There goes my soundcloud account. Greedy bastards.

    • Hahahahahahaha, another one who didn’t spot that the whole article is a joke.

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