The future of the long running, I Love Techno, festival has been cast into doubt after a pack of misguided rogue deep house scenesters stormed one of the festival’s arenas and declared it a “deep house only zone.”
The festival which has been running since 1999 in Ghent, Belgium, has been closely associated with Europe’s vibrant techno scene since it’s commencement. However, recent attempts to diversify their lineup and incorporate other genres of electronic music have seen a rise in the number of deep house fans attending which could prove to be the death knell for the event being a techno haven.
The incident in question happened during a set by London based deep house duo, Dusky. Tim Small, an eye witness, gave his account of what happened, “It was a really well orchestrated attack. Naturally, there was quite a high number of the current crop of deep house, or what they’re calling deep house, hipsters at the Dusky show anyway but it was only a small number of them who started the trouble,” he explained. “We should have noticed when they weren’t dancing with reckless, drugged abandon that they weren’t techno fans.”
“The ring leaders appeared about halfway through the set. It was difficult to pick them out. Except for their surly, indifferent dancing they look just like us only they have slightly more styled facial hair and skinnier trousers,” he recounted. “Once the fighting kicked off all of the deep house fans seemed to react simultaneously. It’s almost like they share a single consciousness, like a Borg hive mind. Or Twilight fans.”
“There was just too many hipsters for the security to handle. They’re used to corralling thousands of happy, dancing techno fans not preventing an all out genre coup d’etat,” he continued. “It was horrific, anyone who wasn’t visibly a hipster was tied up using old skipping ropes and reclaimed dental floss.”
Reports indicate that after securing the arena the deep house scenesters proceeded to storm the stage. It is not yet clear if Dusky were working in tandem with the terrorists but they continued to play for the seven remaining hours of the festival, possibly against their will.
It is reported that a small group of ringleaders remained on stage behind Dusky, huddled closely together while listlessly swaying from side to side, in a scene not dissimilar to that of a Boiler Room video. Experts believe that this video may be an attempt by the terrorists to claim responsibility for the attack or that it may be a kind of respectful homage to their Boiler Room mentors.
Belgian authorities have yet to release any official information on the event although sources within the hipster community have confirmed that the revolution was sanctioned by the infamous Hipster High Council who reportedly ordered the terrorists to “do it but don’t like, care too much about doing it cause that’d be well lame.”
It is believed that hipsters will continue to disrupt the festival in future years unless a list of demands are adhered to by the festival’s organising body. These demands include changing the name of the festival from, I Love Techno, to, Yeah Deep House Is Kind Of My Thing, and replacing the current blue, red, green, yellow and orange rooms, which are seen as too mainstream by hipsters, with the more obscure but very similar colours azure, carnelian, eucalyptus, citrine and fulvous.
