A man who was heavily under the influence of drugs has claimed that “drug driving is fine” while sitting in a bus that he thought was a car.
Despite being in his own back garden, Paul Manford told friends that he was going home before climbing into a hedge and making engine noises for approximately half an hour.
“Drug driving is totally fine,” claimed Paul from the safety of the bush. “Look at me, I’ve taken more drugs than I can remember and I’m perfectly capable of driving. The whole ‘don’t take drugs and drive’ thing is just propaganda pushed on us by taxi drivers and bus companies. The truth is, there’s no harm in it and, in many ways, it’s actually safer than driving when not on drugs.”
“I bet I’ll get home quicker tonight than I would have if I was completely sober,” he said before leaning to his left and making the noise of screeching wheels. “It’s other sober drivers, like this bellend driving the horse chestnut tree that you have to look out for. Some people just don’t know how to drive, whether they’re on drugs or not.”
Friends of Mr. Manford later revealed that their drugged up friend’s road trip came to a shocking halt after, what they described as, a horrific crash.
“It was dead funny, one minute Paul was sitting in the bush waffling on about how good a driver he is then the next he was slumped over saying nothing,” explained close friend Mark. “He’d been up for two days straight so I suppose he just hit a brick wall. He was taking a lot of ket so he was bound to crash at some stage, the daft bastard’s still asleep out in the bush. He probably thinks it’s his bed now.”
According to experts, anyone stupid enough to think they can drive while under the influence of drugs obviously has not taken enough drugs and shoud get back on the bag rather than getting behind the wheel.
