An up and coming international drugs smuggler has revealed that he has been using ants to transport drugs across boarders.
The Mexican based smuggler, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims he has been smuggling cocaine into America using arthropods ever since he seen a small group of ants carrying a used condom in 2009, “I couldn’t believe how those ants were able to carry that rubberjonny, you could tell it had a proper full load in it too so they must have been really strong.”
“I knew from that day that I needed to get myself an army of ants to help build my drugs empire,” he continued “and here I am now five years later and I’ve smuggled nearly half an ounce of cocaine across the American border. At this rate I’ll be controlling a cartel before my ninetieth birthday.”
“It’s a war of attrition but once you have no major deadlines to make it’s OK,” he continued, “and when you think about it ants are so much more reliable than humans, they’ll never try to rip you off because they have no concept of money, just like rainman, and they’re happy to be paid in crumbs so they’re basically the migrant workers of the smuggling industry.”
The drugs merchant believes that ants are the future of the smuggling because they remove the middleman and cut transportation costs by one hundred percent. He also believes that it is slightly less harrowing to stamp on an ant than it is to kill a drugs mule should any of your shipments disappear.
The smuggler plans on expanding his empire into Europe in the near future by “sellotaping ants to butterflies”.
