“Dubai Party Island Definitely Not As Good As Ibiza” Claims Sober Clubber

A sober clubber in Dubai has claimed that the proposed party island set to be built in the Arabian Gulf definitely won’t be as good as Ibiza.

Stewart Atkinson, a holiday maker from Colchester, Essex, claims that Dubai is “actually a bit shit” and despite the beautiful climate, miles of golden beaches and stunning architecture he “definitely won’t be coming back”.

“It’s a bit boring over here if I’m being perfectly honest with you,” explained Stewart earlier. “I don’t really understand what all the fuss is about, you need a bloody license to have a poxy drink and you can’t get lairy in the street at all. I really can’t see a party island kicking off over here, unless it’s specifically a party island for middle aged millionaires who don’t really like partying.”

“I’ve been to Ibiza a few times and it’s proper mental over there,” continued the sober tourist. “You can do drugs, drink all night, go to a rave a one o’clock in the afternoon, shag a Geordie bird on the beach and generally act the maggot as much as you like.”

“Over here it’s completely different,” claimed Atkinson. “They’ll lock you up for years for doing drugs, you can only drink with a license in a hotel, their idea of a rave is one hundred blokes listening to a David Guetta CD and if you as much as kiss a girl in public they’ll be likely to chop your bollix off.”

“But the worst thing off all is there’s no topless birds on the beach. They’re mad over here. You’d be better off going to Skegness for a week. The best thing about this place was the stopover in Amsterdam on the way.”

Upon returning to Essex Mr. Atkinson is understood to have advised all of his friends to stay away from Dubai as “it’s a sandy shit hole and way too foreign” for the average Brit.