Bristolian DJ and producer, Dan Pearce, otherwise known as Eats Everything was left shaken and bloodied after being chased from a secret society sex party where the DJ had been mistakenly booked as a male prostitute specialising in cunnilingus.
“I arrived at what I thought was the gig in a private members club,” explained Dan. “I suppose I should have gotten suspicious when I was greeted at the door by a woman wearing nothing but a Venetian mask and blood-red cape,” admitted the DJ. “But I’d been to a few crazy parties in the last few years so I just tried not to stare at her tits or fanny and let her lead me to where I thought the gig was going to happen.”
Eats Everything describes how he was then blindfolded and brought into a circular chamber. “My blindfold was removed and I was in a dimly lit room with an altar in the center and on a raised dais there was tied up a young naked woman. Around the edges of the room there were about 50 people in different masks and robes chanting quietly and wanking in unison.”
“I immediately tried to leave when I realised it wasn’t a gig,” explained Dan. “But a sort of high priestess gestured for two rather large and rather aroused men to stop me from running. They grabbed my arms and started trying to force my head into the crotch of this woman on the altar. I was screaming to them ‘what is this? I’m a DJ! I get down but I don’t go down’ but they kept pushing my head towards her crotch while everyone else was chanting, wanking and dancing provocatively.”
“Eventually the high priestess stepped out from the group and shook me by the arm and said ‘You’re Eats Everything right? Well then, fucking eat everything’ and pointed at the woman on the altar’s genital area. I said ‘I can’t do it, I have a wife and I’m not that hungry'” claimed Dan.
“I tried to convince them to let me go so I offered to play them some of my tracks and even suggested that ‘Entrance Song’ might work well for the beginning of their sex parties but they just kept forcing my head closer to the girls crotch and chanting in a weird kind of satanic language,” recounted Eats Everything. “Eventually I struggled free of the two men who then chased me out of the building while beating me around the head with a massive double-ended dildo. The only saving grace was that the dildo was too slippy for them to get a good swing and only went in my mouth for like a second.”
Eats Everything claimed that he was left traumatised following the incident, “It left me shaken up. I was properly scared. I’m even thinking of changing my stage name from ‘Eats Everything’ to ‘Eats Everything But The Girl’,” he explained. “Just to make sure that if I do somehow end up at another secret society sex party that I’m not forced to perform cunnilingus on any sacrificial virgins.”
