An techno producer who masks his substandard music with an air eccentricity is actually just an asshole, it has emerged.
DJ Blast, real name Ben Creighton, has been producing techno for the last fifteen years with limited local success.
Promoter Alan Smith spoke of his dealings with DJ Blast, “The chap is a complete asshole, he goes around acting like a contrary old dingbat but it’s all just an excuse to treat people like shit. I’m surprised he’s still getting gigs, even if they are just in his local bingo hall.”
“His music is shite and all,” continued Smith, owner and promoter of the legendary(in Scunthorpe’s techno scene) monthly Tech-nation night. “He’ll swan in and out of gigs, demand free drinks all night while being extremely rude to the staff, play a shitty set and then walk around the club like he’s god’s gift to music. The truth is he’s just a boring bastard with no personality, hid behind a Halloween costume he forgot to take off fifteen years ago.”
“He thinks that because he wears a trilby, hangs an apple around his neck and wears yellow lens sunglasses that no one will notice how crap he is but most people around here see right through his bullshit and know he’s just an absolute bell end,” explained Smith. “And some of the music he produces honestly sound like it was make by an epileptic fish out of water flapping around on a child’s Fisher Price keyboard. I heard he was booked to play a live set a few ago and he showed up with a mobile phone, a portable hoover, a triangle and Casio watch, needless to sat he was laughed off stage after thirty seconds and has never been booked in that town again.”
“The lad likes to go around insulting people and saying things that are bang out of order and brush it off by saying something weird or faking a really high pitched laugh,” revealed Smith. “But it’s all an act. Does a high pitched laugh or a trilby stop him from paying his child maintenance or visiting his sick mum? No mate. Being an absolute cuntish cretin is what stops him.”
In related news, a recent study carried out on DJs has revealed that “asshole” or “dickhead” DJs who treat everyone like shit inevitably struggle to find work, which could explain why DJ Sneak’s current touring schedule is looking so bare.
