A young ecstasy user has tragically lost his jaw while taking an “extremely strong batch” of the party drug at a local house party with friends.
Nathan Blake, a self described 24 year old unemployed pill head, reportedly took an ecstasy tablet which friends have claimed was “super whopper proper good” which caused the young man to gurn uncontrollably resulting in his jaw “sort of just falling off”.
“Nathan took four of the e’s cause he’s kind of hard like that,” explained Nathan’s best friend and admitted frequent masturbator Matthew. “He started off just normal level chewing and eye rolling, about what you’d expect from a sweaty pilled up mess like Nathan, but after about 40 minutes you could tell something was wrong because the sound of each bite down resounded around the room like a body hitting pavement or teeth hitting each other really, really loudly.”
Matthew claims that Nathan began rolling his jaw around “loudly and bloodily” without showing the slightest hint of pain until eventually his lower jaw distended from its socket and clattered to the ground where it was subsequently lost in the wreckage of the party.
Doctors treating Nathan claim that the pressure required for him to bite his own jaw off would have been equivalent to that of “a Great White Shark or fat child eating a stick of rock”.
Unable to speak but using a laptop to communicate a “still mad out of it” Nathan has said that while he’s sad to lose his jaw “the buzz was well worth it” and that “sucking food through the hole in my face for the rest of my life won’t be all that bad”.
Nathan’s good spirits and attitude towards losing his jaw, believed to be either in one of the black bins, the vegetable drawer of the fridge or down the back of the couch, has been welcomed by his mates who are now queuing up to experiment with the strong pills themselves.
“Nate said the pills are like chunky Mistubishi’s crossed with Viagra served like liquid brown honey from the trembling nipple of Scarlett Johansson,” concluded Matthew. “I can’t wait to try them, sound like they’re well worth losing your jaw over.”
Wow.