Ed Sheeran’s attempts to be less of a fanny in 2017 have reportedly hit the rocks after the singer-songwriter was spotted crying while watching television.
Sheeran had been hoping to shake off his “fanny image” by manning up and “doing proper lad shit” in 2017 but has reverted to his old ways after just a couple of days.
Sheeran’s friend and banter wizard Dapper Laughs spoke to Wunderground, “Ed came to me just before Christmas and asked me for help in changing his image in the New Year. He’s a lovely bloke, even if he is a bit soft, so I told him I’d be happy to help him, I knew I’d have my work cut out but I’m always happy to help one of the squad, plus I know he gets the bitches proper moist so he’s good to have around.”
“I gave him a list of daily tasks do that would bloke him up good and proper, just simple things like laughing at homeless people, giving out about immigrants, letting puffs know they’re puffs and slapping birds’ arses. Normal man things that all blokes should be doing anyway,” continued Dapper. “He was a bit reluctant to begin with but he was getting on quite well, you could see he was becoming less of a fanny by the day and his banter was definitely improving.”
“Then, on Sunday, I called around to his house to do a little spot check and I caught him crying while watching TV,” revealed the funny man. “There’s no excuses for crying while watching TV, unless it’s something proper sad like Dumbo or Titanic, but this little fanny was watching Chelsea play in the FA Cup, they weren’t even losing or anything, they were winning tree one. I’ve washed my hands of the fella now, once a fanny always a fanny.”
So far Sheeran has yet to comment on his attempts to be less of a fanny, although, sources close to the singer have confirmed that he is too upset by Dapper Laugh’s comments to say anything.