Experts at the North American Transport Agency, or NATA, have today sent out a warning indicating that the EDM bandwagon is nearing capacity.
Fears for the public’s safety may force government officials to implement sanctions restricting the number of people allowed to jump onto the already overcrowded bandwagon.
NATA spokesperson Phil Schmidt spoke about the issue, “It was clear very early on that the EDM bandwagon would be one of the most popular we’ve ever seen. When douche bags like Will.i.am start taking interest you know you’re going to be busy.”
“Precautions should have been taken earlier to enable the bandwagon to cater for larger numbers,” explained Schmidt cautiously, “but to be honest EDM is such a steaming crock of irredeemable super shit that nobody ever believed it would have been around long enough to fill up. Usually fads like this get really popular quite fast and then disappear as quickly as they appeared, like planking or The Chainsmokers career.”
“EDM has been different, its popularity has continued to grow thanks to the presence of so called celebrities, like Paris ‘Swampy Pants’ Hilton and Simon ‘High Pants Cunt’ Cowell, on the bandwagon,” continued Schmidt. “This increased popularity, along with size of some of the DJ’s and producer’s egos and all of Steve Aoki’s stage props have made the EDM bandwagon more overcrowded than a drug dealer’s phone book.”
“If the EDM bandwagon is to break down or have its wheels fall off there could be major knock on effects on the jobs front and the economy,” claimed Schmidt. “Paramedics will have no drugged up teens to treat at the weekend, kandi jewelry makers will have little or no demand for their products and talentless DJs will become eyesores living under our bridges and on our park benches. The government needs to act quickly.”
A government source has revealed that their official view on EDM is that it will be “hanging around like a bad smell for years” and he has confirmed that plans are already in place to educate children about the dangers of jumping on the EDM bandwagon during their pre-school years.
Suck on that one, EDM fuckwits.