EDM DJs, much maligned for their predictable sets of commercial noise pollution, are actually quite creative and innovative – when dealing with their tax affairs.
“People think that just because you’re an EDM DJ, whose musical output is on par with the Jonas Brothers, Bros and New Kids On The Block, that you’re not a forward thinking trendsetter,” explained cash worshiping bro-culture posterboy Diplo, “but you should see some of the outlandish skill I’ve displayed on my tax forms, it’s groundbreaking.”
“There’s really no point in pushing the scene forward and trying to make actual art,” he continued, “it’s hard and there’s no money in it.”
“If I was to advise young producers coming up I’d say ‘just copy stuff other people have done, throw a gimmick onto it like a helmet or onstage schtick and then focus your real energy on setting up multiple bank accounts offshore where you can declare your earnings at extremely low taxes,'” he added. “That’s where the true artistry is.”
“The most creative people of our time aren’t artists, painters and musicians, they’re CEOs of multinational corporations who create new and innovative ways to take from society, leaving it worse off than when they arrived,” he added. “That’s what being a DJ is all about, taking money.”
Diplo, who recently drank some of the world’s most expensive water for the hashtag lols while millions die of thirst every day, claims that for him making music is secondary to finding creative things to do with money.
“Don’t just avoid taxes, make it so that money and ostentatious displays of wealth are the endgame for your entire career so be silly and have fun with it, burn a $50 bill to light an imported cigar that you then stub out on the eye of a defenseless child who you then pay to keep quiet while forking out for reconstructive surgery and a substantial out of court payment. That’s baller.”
“Sure I play bubble gum pop to teenagers, force feeding them my own brand of crass non-music as I funnel money away from legitimate artists, but that in no way precludes me from being innovative,” confirmed David Guetta, who writes off his hair products as a business expense to the tune of $2 million per year. “There’s more than one way to be a creative musician.”
