Reports from the commercial EDM scene suggest that some of its biggest name DJs are taking time out ahead of the DJ Mag Top 100 voting season to spend a final few weeks with their souls so that they can “say goodbye properly” before selling them for a place on the list.
Up and coming DJs such as Martin Garrix (pictured with the glint in his eye that only those with an immortal soul possess) and Nicky Romero are some of the names hoping to follow in the footsteps of some of EDM’s biggest sell outs and break into the top 5 ranked DJs in the world by parting ways with the spiritual core of themselves for a high position.
“The DJ Mag vote happens every year and DJs can achieve a high position on the list by throwing money at advertising campaigns,” claimed a source, “but to truly break into the elite of the list money won’t be enough the DJ is going to need to sell his or her soul.”
Some DJs who have sold their souls in the past include David Guetta, Steve Aoki and last year’s winner Hardwell. Reportedly David Guetta’s soul was already quite bruised and bloodied as a result of all the EDM pop train wrecks that it had been involved in, while Aoki’s was said to be “tiny and only weighed about as much as a child’s shit filled nappy”.
According to a source close to Martin Garrix the young DJ will probably just “spend some a few weeks travelling around the world with his soul and getting to know it better, you know giving it a really good send off before he sells it to DJ Mag for a high position on the list.”
The source says that Martin has compiled a bucket list for his soul which will see him take the immortal core of his being to Disneyland Paris, swimming with dolphins in Australia, watching the Northern Lights in Iceland before finishing up with a special ceremonial soul selling dinner at DJ Mag HQ.
“Naturally he’s upset to be selling his soul, but he’s comforting himself with the thoughts of the money he’ll get through the increased bookings that a high place on the list brings.”
“Plus, being so young he hasn’t really had too much time to get to know his soul so the break shouldn’t be too wrenching,” added the source.
What do they mean by “soul” ?
Exactly that SOUL duh selling to Illuminate!