Electric Zoo Festival Shut Down After Calvin Harris Caught Exposing His Penis In Toilets

Electric Zoo festival was once again shut down early this year after Scottish EDM star Calvin Harris was caught exposing his penis in the performers toilets.

The incident is said to have caused havoc amongst the ranks of the performing artists, with a number of high profile performers refusing to play claiming they were suffering from a variety of issues ranging from post traumatic stress, “a pain in the belly from laughing” and “pissy trousers”, before organisers finally pulled the plug on the festival on Sunday evening.

American EDM producer Kaskade is believed to have cancelled his show after embarrassingly splashing himself with his own piss after accidentally becoming aroused after catching a glimpse of Harris’s penis during a routine trip to the bathroom before taking to the stage.

Bathroom attendant, Miles Browne, explained the incident to Wunderground, “Calvin Harris had been hanging around the DJs bathroom all day with his cock in his hand showing it to anyone and everyone who went in there. I don’t know why he’s so proud of it because to me it looked like a worm that had been eaten by a bird, regurgitated, fed to a baby bird and then shat onto a car’s windscreen,” he chuckled.

“Most of the other DJs that went in there just told him to fuck off and take his stanky ass cock back to England or wherever it is that mutherfucker is from,” continued Mr. Browne. “But then this Kaskade guy came in and couldn’t get enough of the nasty little trouser noodle. Unlucky for him he had already started to piss when Harris came up to him with his ten year old boy’s penis in his hand.”

“At fist Kaskade didn’t know what was going on he just looked up from his piss and seen Harris standing in front of him with a cheesy grin on his face. I assume the cheesy grin was to match the cheesy smell of his dick,” joked Browne. “Then Harris pointed towards his crotch and Kaskade took the bate and looked down.”

“I was expecting the guy to flip out and tell Harris to fuck off or throw a punch at him or something,” continued the bathroom attendant, “but he was totally enthralled with Harris’s disheveled dick, you could actually see his eyes widen and drool start to appear at the corner of his mouth. It was like he was in some sort of trance.”

“It didn’t last long though, because he became visibly aroused very quickly. Ask any man, peeing and erections don’t go well together and before Kaskade even knew what was going on he was covered head to toe in his own piss. He ran out of the door crying and Calvin Harris went about doing what he does best at festivals, making a total cock out of himself.”

Kaskade has yet to comment on the incident but sources close to the DJ have reveled that he spent the remainder of the night in his hotel room drawing “pictures of dicks and listening to Calvin Harris’s hit single Summer on repeat”.